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I can’t count the number of letters I’ve gotten from virgin readers, men and women of just about every age who have not had sex yet and are desperately afraid that they’re “too late”.
Some may have had physical intercourse with another person – oral sex, mutual masturbation, possibly even anal sex – but consider themselves virgins because they’ve never had penile/vaginal sex.
Here’s the hard and fast truth about virgins and virginity: it’s a completely cultural construct.
When you strip away all of the value placed on sex and sexuality and look at it with an unemotional eye, virginity is a lack of a particular physical experience.
There is no difference between a person who has had sex and someone who hasn’t.
Even a woman’s hymen is no demarcator of virginity; many will rupture their hymen long before they’ve had penetrative vaginal intercourse.
Small wonder that they have issues finding that first sex partner; it’s their that ends up causing them problems, rather than their relative state of inexperience.Others may have had penetrative sex but not “count” it for one reason or another.Still others may have never so much as held hands with someone who wasn’t a family member.but because he’s never managed to actually penetrate a woman, he’s still obsessed with “childish” things.Meanwhile, we live in a culture that glorifies male sexual conquests even as it pathologizes male sexuality.
We are taught to measure a man’s value by the number of sex partners he’s had; the more women he’s seduced, the greater the value.